New Beginning

So here I am again! Two years since my last entry. I can write about so many things but for this ocassion I will just say New Town (Southampton), New Job, New Flat and hopefully soon New Friends...

Life

Very rarely we have the chance to be in the right place at the right time!
Life gives you subtle reminders that our time here is brief. Today, I received
one of those rare reminders. As I was walking down the street a small bird
was struggling to fly. He keep tumbling. I thought one of his wings was broken
so I picked it up, thinking I could get him to a vet. Minutes afters, he died in my
hand!!! I can not think of it without crying.

Sunday's in Tekax

Thirty year and a bit have passed me by. I’ve seen things change constantly. My hometown, a small town, has now transformed into a chaotic sort to say city. My childhood house is no longer a home but my dad’s workshop. My grandma’s house is my parents home and my favorite trees on both of them have disappeared and been replace by a thick, heat-absorbent, colourless, lifeless block of concrete.  

My parents are 30 and a bit older than I remember. My grandparent is also 30 and a bit older. Somehow time has also managed to shrink them. They are no longer those giant figures who protected my childhood dreams from the real world of men.

I saw once in a TV program that everyone has a safe zone. It’s a place where you dream of going when you are tense, afraid, insecure, nostalgic or alone. Usually is an old memory of a place or a feeling, an activity, a dream a person, a pet or a combination of everything which comforts and relaxes you.  For me, one of the many safe zone is my grandparents house from my dad side. The astonishing thing is that since I remember the house and feeling of the small town hasn’t changed. Well, maybe it has, but not dramatically from one day to another or even from one year to another. My grandma is not with us anymore. I remember her sitting on the front porch with all her grandchildren telling us Mayan legends: the dwarf king and the Ixtaba were my favorite. In the afternoon she would give us permission to cut down lemons and oranges “chinas” from her back garden to eat. She would teach us how to play “Damas chinas”. At the end of each game separate meticulously the colour marbles and put them away in its original package; which from the look of it, was probably bought when my dad was still young. I suppose that the death of my grandma was one of the greatest changes that disturbed my perception in this confined corner of the world. But my grandpa, still being strong will keep on getting up at 6:00 am to do his morning shopping – still the market place resembles those of the pre-colombian times. Afterward he would still head to his workshop every morning to repair cars from the 50’s and still he would sit in front of the TV after dinner to watch the unveiling of the most popular soap oprah of that year. However, the same feeling of tranquility, comfort and happiness are still with me.

My favorite day of the week when I was there was Sundays. The long ritual of getting all dressed up for Sunday mass -- we would usually go to the afternoon one. Afterwards buy ice cream from the outside vendors who bring their snacks and little nibbles for those who had endured one hour of a monotonic spiritual talk –I really never listened to mass at that age- and then head down to the town’s central park.

I have three different view of that ritual now that I’m older. When I was younger, the whole family would go together to church, the park was a place to run. Usually my dad would run into an old acquaintance, who being the same age as my dad, had also kids and made the fun and games even more exiting. The second time around, when I was older and puberty was manifesting itself in all possible ways. The park was where the teenager would go to flirt. The park was constructed in a hexagonal shape, each side had an entrance, the main entrance was facing the entrance of the church. On Sundays the young teenagers or any one looking for a love partner would stroll down to the park. The girls would circle the park in one direction while the boys would circle the park on the opposite direction. The reason for this was that each time boys and girls would pass each other they could catch a frontal view of the boy or girl. The first round was to pick out a girl, the second round was to make him or her notice you, the third round would make him or her know you are interested and a few rounds later, after a few head nudges, girls giggling and encouragements you would approach her to take her to one of the parks bench and talk. Me being a "city girl" and not from this places, this ritual was quite amusing. First, flirting was a no  no, second “what would happen if a girls walk the same direction as the boys” and third, does this really works. To my surprise and astonishment, it did and it was fun.

 

The third time around, I’m taking my time to discover it…

Dream

She just woke up. She remembered a pleasant conversation in her dream.

“I like my solitude” was the answer –trying to remember what was the question.
The sweet voice answered back “But why do you like your loneliness”.
Her face was calm no trace of sadness could be seen. A comforting smile appeared on her face when she spoke again “it’s the only thing they can not take away from me”.

Panic Attack II !

My presentation went okey. I had time to rehearse it for one whole week more which improved a little bit the confidence on the information I had included in the presentation. Although my photographs (results) were darken by the projector and you could not see what I was talking about I did ok. I had two or three questions which I answered as best I could. After the presentation several people told me it had been a good talk, another, colleague of mine, gave me some constructive criticism for the next time. However, I felt I could have done better and wasn't very happy with how I presented. There is always something which needs improving.

Panic Attack!!!!!

I just had to write this. I hate doing presentations. There was a time back in my early years where doing a presentation was a piece of cake. All you had to do is read a little more than usual for the subject. Explain it to a bunch of kids who were more interested on what was up their noses than what you had to say. As I grew up and developing that professional skill –if you want to put it that way- became important, my sudden confidence of what I wanted to transmit had been weaken. Now it was necessary to defend a posture, an idea or your work to a group of “connaisseurs” or “future boss” or “future clients” or so many ors. I could not rely any more on books to give me all the answers. I actually had to understand and get the main idea transmitted the right way; people were actually listening to what I had to say.

Today, I was to give a seminar on the research I’m doing for my PhD. Amongst the attendees are several experts in their field that do this for a living. They actually know what I am talking about. I had prepared my presentation since Sunday. Each time I would think about the presentation a Panic Attack will take all the will out of me. A colleague of mine would have to tell me and convince me to breathe again. Everyone was trying to help me out, to restore my confidence by saying: “Oh don’t worry you’ll be fine” or “It’s just practice its no big deal”.

It never occurred to me to check the date of the presentation. Now, I have a Valentin’s debt to pay, because I was too worried and some guy took advantage of my situation to make a bet on it. So I lost. I’m actually breathing normally again. We had a good laugh. I suppose at this time next Wednesday I’ll be doing my presentation. I have one more week to get my Panic attack worked up again.

By the way, I hate Valentine’s and now I have to take someone out… Lesson for me keep your cool at all time. Never make decisions when you are not thinking properly.

New Year Resolutions

A new Year has began with 21 days already elapsed. In México, like in Spain, we receive the new year eating 12 grapes which represent the 12 months of the year and eating them as fast as you can with every bell ring of the incoming year. Each grapes is a resolution for the new year and you end up having at least 12 different categories of them.

This year they forgot the grapes and they found them at the last minutes. They only one lefts were these very massive, oversized, can not fit on your mouth with seeds bigger than raisins. It was difficult to think of your new year resolution while trying to swallow them all. So one of the resolution was not to choke on one of them which made it quite good because when the last of the grapes was in your tummy you had already done one of your new year resolution.

This year I made only two new year resolutions -apart from not choking with one of the grapes. The first one is that I will run the Great Manchester Run. This involves running a distance of 10 k. The Second is finishing my PhD. Both imply several things : I would have to be more organized, disciplined, dedicated, concentrated, work harder and sacrifice some of m y free time. This will mean if I get to next 2009 without going all wakko, I would have become a very organized, boring with no social life at all, thin person, focused person. In other words, practically an adult… which really stinks.

Furthermore, to prepare for the incoming year I read the forecast of my life e.i. my horoscope. It seems I will be single for the whole of 2008 which comes to no surprise to me and any one who knows me. Ohhh well… Today I started my training (14 minutes continues running).

Everything and Nothing

I love music; I'm always looking for new things to listen to. Green Day is my all time favourite accompanied with Smashing Pumpkins. I grew up with those groups and marked the musical difference –among other things- with my friends when I was a teenager. I never thought about it until now it was my passive way to rebel.

Now, miles away from the people which marked me as unique, in other words awkward, I realise how much I enjoy music not as something that makes me different from others, but that integrates and links me to new cultures and people. It's the starting point of new friendships, conversations and interests. It's the soothing comfort of long nights, the rhythm of work, the pace of tiny steps, the emotion of new discoveries, the words you cannot express, the reassurance to continue, the background of new and old memories, the tears, the fears, the joy, the laughter, everything, nothing…how many things can you express with one song?

Business Ideas

Little Red Riding Hood Delivery Service.

Operator: Little Red Riding Hood Service may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon, I want to deliver a basket to my grandma. Could you please tell me how much it would cost?
Operator: Yes we have several packages for u to chose from.

The standard package which gets there in two day is going around the dark forest, which will avoid any encounter with the big bad wolf (bbw).

The premium package which takes a shortcut through the dark forest also includes an escort service with two hunters and is next day delivery.
If the package is of great importance there is an extra charge for each hunter included.

Customer: Thank you very much I’ll get back to you!
Operator: It was a pleasure serving you and remember: ‘We guarantee your parcel will be delivered to your grandma before the bbw eats her.‘

The Three Little Pigs Construction Company.

Have you ever dreamt about having a refreshing bungalow on the seaside, or a cozy cottage on the depths of the black forest or even a spacious condominium in the middle of the enchanted fortress.

Why wait! The Three Little Pigs Construction Company can make your dream house now. Our constructions are tested by the meanest, blowing, big, bad, wolfs in the county. Each of them are highly trained in breathing techniques so the maximum blow can be achieved making our constructions blow proof against any natural or wolf hazard.

“With the Three Little Pigs Construction Company prepare yourself to be blown away but your house will be standing at the end that a guarantee.”



Here I leave you with more business proposal which in a future can make you rich.

• Pinochio’s Lie Detectors.


• Jack’s Beanstalks Ladders and more: for those hard to reach places..


• Cinderella's Cleaning Service..

No comments!!!!

I'm standing in the middle of a room. I take a good look around, then briefly my sight is shifted to what I have in my hands and finally, my eyes are shifted towards what I'm wearing.

I hear a voice from behind a screen saying "You should buy yourself an Anne Geddes book".

My mind searches randomly through a number of possibilities trying to figure out the meaning of those words before I pop the question, WHY? After some seconds without finding any thing which would have helped me to make sense of those words I asked, “WHY?”

The answer is striking but is a very simple and logical one based on my appearance, the activity I'm doing and the surroundings in which I’m part of, "You need to get in touch with your feminine side."

I had in my hands a pair of monkey wrenches, I was wearing my dirty, covered with grease, white boilersuit and my heavy duty, black Dr. Martin boots while I’m in the floor trying to tighten the connections of the compressed air supply line to my shock tube.

Facebook

Hey you all facebook users. Here is something to think about and laugh for a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FahBBnfHAQ

Inspire Me

Today or Yesterday (20/05/07), whatever the case maybe, I was assigned an important task. The task consisted in documenting the finalization of 10 committed people through three months of training. Each of them had their own person goal, each of them prepared to be able to fulfil it; each of them has contributed to a bigger cause. I will remember the satisfaction in their faces when concluding it. The pride when they describe difficult moments and how they continued till the end.

I want to feel the same satisfaction, the pride and joy they felt, that the impossible is possible. My dear friends, the few who read this and which I’m referring to, you have inspired me. Congratulations to all of you.

Screw Up

Imagine you are 7 years old at recess time in the playground. There are dozens of hyper active kids running around playing ball or jumping the rope, just having good fun. At the farthest corner there is a little girl playing by herself. No one seems to notice her, but she really doesn’t mind.

Back in the classroom, while everyone is struggling with Math; she has already finished her exercises and thats day homework, history is a peace of cake and science the highlight of the day. However, when it is time for PE (physical Education) she is the last one to get picked. It seems her lack of coordination, skinny appearance, weak knees and hands, and the revengeful balls that always seem to prefer to land on her face instead of her hands are some of the reasons she is the last one standing.

She is always getting in bizarre situations, for e.g. getting her foot stuck between the rails of a seat, a branch of a tree breaking leaving her hanging on a treetop while playing hide and seek, getting stuck in a trash disposal for a couple of minutes, bugs flying into weird places in her clothes, breaking her arm whilst pretending to be mounted on a flying horse, etc, etc. The scenario remains the same for all her school years.

Finally, when she thinks she is in control of everything. Her appearance has improved though her glasses and high pitch, squeaky, annoying voice are still her trademark. She has manage to reduce the clumsiness in her movements, though still are far away to be considered delicate or elegant, but, she manages not to break things frequently. Her circle of friends has increased, surprisingly, people like to hang around her and find her interesting. Another remarkable change is that she has found her rhythm, no more two left feet, but actually a right one and a left one. She is still shy but overcame her fear to speak to boys and supress that uncontrollable urge to run to the toilet each time she did. Her self confidence and esteem are in pretty good shape.

Currently she has undertaken a PhD, her project something she is still trying to understand, but the fun part of it and the reason she chose it was because it is experimental. Her old memories of her childhood rush to her head; when she distractedly mixed two solutions which were not to be mixed; tripped over a hanging transducer, when she mentally repeated to herself: lift your f&^%$ legs and don’t trip over it; wounded her hand with a screw driver while trying to unscrew the wrong screw; broke a filter and a pressure regulator because she considered that the distance to the table was the same as to the floor; her trouser got torn into half while doing a split in the wrong sport(touch football).

The good thing is that she is permitted to have 5 screw ups during a week. So, I’ll keep you posted how the numbers are summing up.

Changes

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while.

A couple of weeks back a friend told me in a sarcastic, teasing manner that 6 months have passed since I’ve been residing in the same place in Manchester.The obvious reason of this is the constant moving around in this great metropolis. I have lived in 5 different places since I’ve been here (2 years 7 months). Previously, while living in Mexico City, I changed another 5 times (7 years); the only long term house has been that of my parents 18 long years. Eleven different houses of which only one has been really home.

The decisions to go to Mexico City and Manchester have been consciously and thoroughly thought through. It never crossed my mind of the affects this would have, I didn’t think about anyone else but me and my brilliant future. I knew from the start that it was I who wanted the change to happen. I was ready to face the unknown. Some friends could not understand why I needed to leave and experience other things, while others, sad but excited encouraged me to take that first step into a new world without the protection of my family and loved ones. So it was me who took the plunges and other had to accept it. I was the one moving and they were the ones staying behind.

Now, seating down in front of my PC, looking back at the last 2 months I realise how one person’s decision can change someone’s life, turn it upside down from one day to another. It only takes a couple of seconds to unleash a chained reaction of events. The consequences are immeasurable; no one truly knows the extent or magnitude of it. Sounds dramatic but its true, however, sometimes those decisions have to be made even if you know or expects what is coming, selfish as it sounds, you have to think about what is best for you, what you want.

The day has arrived where the influence of those external decisions has altered the way a live my life. Not in a bad or good way, it’s just different from what I have been accustomed to. It’s now my turn to accept what has been imposed. I look back and I wonder what changes I have provoked when I took those big decisions of moving out of my home and my country. Time will be in charge of making me know the consequences.

“The whole world is moving and I'm standing still.”

Open Book

Sometimes I would like to write something inspirational, but I guess today is not going to be the day.

I’ve always have considered myself shy, timid, an independent and solitary person. I have few friends but real friend. To open myself with someone I have to trust them and know they are discrete about my matters. In other words, I like to keep a low profile, making myself invisible to people that surround me; showing my true essence to those close to me, to the rest of the world I’m some mysterious woman. However, as 99% of the times I’m wrong, and the six sense of perception that all women have has been omitted from my being. Once again I have been proven wrong.

Just a week ago I realised that I’m an open book; anyone can figure me out just with two or three encounters. I don’t know if I should thank that person for opening my eyes to the fact that I lack my six sense or be annoyed that anyone can read me like a piece of paper. Of course, the writing on it is elegant, eloquent, gracious and brilliant.

Procrastinate

1. to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.
2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.
3. To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
4. To postpone or delay needlessly.

Sad but true, I tend to use this verb with much frequency day after day. A good example, on this precise moment I‘m writing this post and watching TV instead of giving the final touches to the last designs of my experimental work. I blame all this procrastination to technology. If I didn’t have internet I would not be thinking of what to post, waste hours of precious time looking at funny videos in youtube; if TV didn’t exist I would be reading a good book, if phones didn’t exist I would be writing a beautiful and long letter to my loved ones, if gossip wasn’t so interesting I would be debating about global warming. Ohhh… we are all doomed to find ways to procrastinate. What can be done to stop this? Too many distractions, so little time and too much work.

Routines

It’s funny how easy it is to build up routines without realising it you already have hundred of little ones running your daily life. Getting up in the morning at certain hour to go to school or work, having your cup of tea a certain way, that morning shower, choosing what you are going to wear, etc. We don’t even notice them until the slightest change or alteration makes us revise what is wrong in the time frame.

This happened to me two Thursdays ago. I went to the cinema with a couple of friends. When we finished watching the movie, like always, we comment about it on the way out. A familiar voice which I couldn’t recognise was on the background. I turned around to see who it was; to my surprise I saw my eldest sister, Itzel, talking to one of my friends. I've forgotten she was there with me. It was an awkward sensation, two different kinds of familiar but not quite in their right place. It was good though that someone that I love so much and since I while back has not been part of my daily life (though I think about her a lot) was included in it. I haven’t realised until then how much I missed her. It was nice having her here with me even though it was for a short time.

Great things are happening

Several good and bad things have happened since March started. One of course is that my First Year VIVA took place last Friday. It went as expected, lousy. There was a point I thought I would be returning home in April.

Back in Mexico, other great things are happening. My very best friend from my uni is getting married. After the third try he finally convinced a girl to tie the nought. I wish him the very best. Also, the small research group I was part of, PDPA, is celebrating this coming Friday there 15th Anniversary. So, they are having this great big party with all ex and current students. It would have been cool to be there with all my friends and remember old times.

Finally, the best is reserved for last; my sister is coming to visit. At this very moment she is already in Barcelona with one of her friends; but on Saturday approximately at 16:00 hours at Paris Orly airport I would be hugging her for the first time this year. We will be in Paris for four days, then travelling back to Manchester and before she heads back to Mexico, we will be visiting London.

If all goes well, by the end of this month I would get cash back from my mobile company. This means that my bank account will not be in red number, after all that travelling, hehehe.

I am a Horse

No, it’s not another post of a book or movie like the one I posted a few month ago about “I am the Cat”, this actually is an annually event with the exception that each year the animal changes. Like in Occidental world we have the New Year’s governed by the solar rotation; the Chinese New Year is counted on the moons cycle. Each Chinese year is represented by an animal; the person personality is influenced by the year which they were born. So, googleing my Chinese animal I found out I’m a Horse. A nice horsy; who loves its freedom and roaming about, hard working and graceful. The good stuff heeeeheeee…now I’m really sound like a horse, :).

I leave you with some characteristics that resemble my personality and are most convenient for me.

Horses crave love and intimacy, which is a double-edged sword since it often leads them to feel trapped. Love connections tend to come easily to Horses, since they exude the kind of raw sex appeal that is a magnet to others, ;).

An impatient streak can lead Horses to be less than sensitive to others' needs….The lone wolf inside the Horse can at times push others away, but this also makes this Sign stronger and is a key to its success. Horses are self-reliant and, though they might lose interest fast in a tedious, nine-to-five day job, are willing to do the work necessary to get ahead.

Horses tend not to look much at the big picture; instead they just follow their whims, which can result in a trail of prematurely ended relationships, jobs, projects and so on.

What else can I say, this description is quite complete. Another interesting fact is that Mexico is considered to be a Horse country, so I suppose all Mexican have a little horsy inside.

The Pursuit of Happyness

I have led a worry free comfortable life. Apart from the occasional financial worries (which are not that big), frightening moments of planning for the future and scarce scary and nerve breaking dreams; my life has been good. So, when I see this kind of movies, it makes me feel like an ungrateful, lazy, good for nothing, complaining, whinnying, pampered and immature grown woman.

Solution: Avoid watching this kind of movies and try not to compare your not so very exciting life to a movie... even if they are based on true and real stories. Hollywood tends to exaggerate anyway.

BTW, I recommend you watch this movie it's good.