Dream

She just woke up. She remembered a pleasant conversation in her dream.

“I like my solitude” was the answer –trying to remember what was the question.
The sweet voice answered back “But why do you like your loneliness”.
Her face was calm no trace of sadness could be seen. A comforting smile appeared on her face when she spoke again “it’s the only thing they can not take away from me”.

Panic Attack II !

My presentation went okey. I had time to rehearse it for one whole week more which improved a little bit the confidence on the information I had included in the presentation. Although my photographs (results) were darken by the projector and you could not see what I was talking about I did ok. I had two or three questions which I answered as best I could. After the presentation several people told me it had been a good talk, another, colleague of mine, gave me some constructive criticism for the next time. However, I felt I could have done better and wasn't very happy with how I presented. There is always something which needs improving.

Panic Attack!!!!!

I just had to write this. I hate doing presentations. There was a time back in my early years where doing a presentation was a piece of cake. All you had to do is read a little more than usual for the subject. Explain it to a bunch of kids who were more interested on what was up their noses than what you had to say. As I grew up and developing that professional skill –if you want to put it that way- became important, my sudden confidence of what I wanted to transmit had been weaken. Now it was necessary to defend a posture, an idea or your work to a group of “connaisseurs” or “future boss” or “future clients” or so many ors. I could not rely any more on books to give me all the answers. I actually had to understand and get the main idea transmitted the right way; people were actually listening to what I had to say.

Today, I was to give a seminar on the research I’m doing for my PhD. Amongst the attendees are several experts in their field that do this for a living. They actually know what I am talking about. I had prepared my presentation since Sunday. Each time I would think about the presentation a Panic Attack will take all the will out of me. A colleague of mine would have to tell me and convince me to breathe again. Everyone was trying to help me out, to restore my confidence by saying: “Oh don’t worry you’ll be fine” or “It’s just practice its no big deal”.

It never occurred to me to check the date of the presentation. Now, I have a Valentin’s debt to pay, because I was too worried and some guy took advantage of my situation to make a bet on it. So I lost. I’m actually breathing normally again. We had a good laugh. I suppose at this time next Wednesday I’ll be doing my presentation. I have one more week to get my Panic attack worked up again.

By the way, I hate Valentine’s and now I have to take someone out… Lesson for me keep your cool at all time. Never make decisions when you are not thinking properly.

New Year Resolutions

A new Year has began with 21 days already elapsed. In México, like in Spain, we receive the new year eating 12 grapes which represent the 12 months of the year and eating them as fast as you can with every bell ring of the incoming year. Each grapes is a resolution for the new year and you end up having at least 12 different categories of them.

This year they forgot the grapes and they found them at the last minutes. They only one lefts were these very massive, oversized, can not fit on your mouth with seeds bigger than raisins. It was difficult to think of your new year resolution while trying to swallow them all. So one of the resolution was not to choke on one of them which made it quite good because when the last of the grapes was in your tummy you had already done one of your new year resolution.

This year I made only two new year resolutions -apart from not choking with one of the grapes. The first one is that I will run the Great Manchester Run. This involves running a distance of 10 k. The Second is finishing my PhD. Both imply several things : I would have to be more organized, disciplined, dedicated, concentrated, work harder and sacrifice some of m y free time. This will mean if I get to next 2009 without going all wakko, I would have become a very organized, boring with no social life at all, thin person, focused person. In other words, practically an adult… which really stinks.

Furthermore, to prepare for the incoming year I read the forecast of my life e.i. my horoscope. It seems I will be single for the whole of 2008 which comes to no surprise to me and any one who knows me. Ohhh well… Today I started my training (14 minutes continues running).