New Beginning

So here I am again! Two years since my last entry. I can write about so many things but for this ocassion I will just say New Town (Southampton), New Job, New Flat and hopefully soon New Friends...

Life

Very rarely we have the chance to be in the right place at the right time!
Life gives you subtle reminders that our time here is brief. Today, I received
one of those rare reminders. As I was walking down the street a small bird
was struggling to fly. He keep tumbling. I thought one of his wings was broken
so I picked it up, thinking I could get him to a vet. Minutes afters, he died in my
hand!!! I can not think of it without crying.

Sunday's in Tekax

Thirty year and a bit have passed me by. I’ve seen things change constantly. My hometown, a small town, has now transformed into a chaotic sort to say city. My childhood house is no longer a home but my dad’s workshop. My grandma’s house is my parents home and my favorite trees on both of them have disappeared and been replace by a thick, heat-absorbent, colourless, lifeless block of concrete.  

My parents are 30 and a bit older than I remember. My grandparent is also 30 and a bit older. Somehow time has also managed to shrink them. They are no longer those giant figures who protected my childhood dreams from the real world of men.

I saw once in a TV program that everyone has a safe zone. It’s a place where you dream of going when you are tense, afraid, insecure, nostalgic or alone. Usually is an old memory of a place or a feeling, an activity, a dream a person, a pet or a combination of everything which comforts and relaxes you.  For me, one of the many safe zone is my grandparents house from my dad side. The astonishing thing is that since I remember the house and feeling of the small town hasn’t changed. Well, maybe it has, but not dramatically from one day to another or even from one year to another. My grandma is not with us anymore. I remember her sitting on the front porch with all her grandchildren telling us Mayan legends: the dwarf king and the Ixtaba were my favorite. In the afternoon she would give us permission to cut down lemons and oranges “chinas” from her back garden to eat. She would teach us how to play “Damas chinas”. At the end of each game separate meticulously the colour marbles and put them away in its original package; which from the look of it, was probably bought when my dad was still young. I suppose that the death of my grandma was one of the greatest changes that disturbed my perception in this confined corner of the world. But my grandpa, still being strong will keep on getting up at 6:00 am to do his morning shopping – still the market place resembles those of the pre-colombian times. Afterward he would still head to his workshop every morning to repair cars from the 50’s and still he would sit in front of the TV after dinner to watch the unveiling of the most popular soap oprah of that year. However, the same feeling of tranquility, comfort and happiness are still with me.

My favorite day of the week when I was there was Sundays. The long ritual of getting all dressed up for Sunday mass -- we would usually go to the afternoon one. Afterwards buy ice cream from the outside vendors who bring their snacks and little nibbles for those who had endured one hour of a monotonic spiritual talk –I really never listened to mass at that age- and then head down to the town’s central park.

I have three different view of that ritual now that I’m older. When I was younger, the whole family would go together to church, the park was a place to run. Usually my dad would run into an old acquaintance, who being the same age as my dad, had also kids and made the fun and games even more exiting. The second time around, when I was older and puberty was manifesting itself in all possible ways. The park was where the teenager would go to flirt. The park was constructed in a hexagonal shape, each side had an entrance, the main entrance was facing the entrance of the church. On Sundays the young teenagers or any one looking for a love partner would stroll down to the park. The girls would circle the park in one direction while the boys would circle the park on the opposite direction. The reason for this was that each time boys and girls would pass each other they could catch a frontal view of the boy or girl. The first round was to pick out a girl, the second round was to make him or her notice you, the third round would make him or her know you are interested and a few rounds later, after a few head nudges, girls giggling and encouragements you would approach her to take her to one of the parks bench and talk. Me being a "city girl" and not from this places, this ritual was quite amusing. First, flirting was a no  no, second “what would happen if a girls walk the same direction as the boys” and third, does this really works. To my surprise and astonishment, it did and it was fun.

 

The third time around, I’m taking my time to discover it…

Dream

She just woke up. She remembered a pleasant conversation in her dream.

“I like my solitude” was the answer –trying to remember what was the question.
The sweet voice answered back “But why do you like your loneliness”.
Her face was calm no trace of sadness could be seen. A comforting smile appeared on her face when she spoke again “it’s the only thing they can not take away from me”.

Panic Attack II !

My presentation went okey. I had time to rehearse it for one whole week more which improved a little bit the confidence on the information I had included in the presentation. Although my photographs (results) were darken by the projector and you could not see what I was talking about I did ok. I had two or three questions which I answered as best I could. After the presentation several people told me it had been a good talk, another, colleague of mine, gave me some constructive criticism for the next time. However, I felt I could have done better and wasn't very happy with how I presented. There is always something which needs improving.

Panic Attack!!!!!

I just had to write this. I hate doing presentations. There was a time back in my early years where doing a presentation was a piece of cake. All you had to do is read a little more than usual for the subject. Explain it to a bunch of kids who were more interested on what was up their noses than what you had to say. As I grew up and developing that professional skill –if you want to put it that way- became important, my sudden confidence of what I wanted to transmit had been weaken. Now it was necessary to defend a posture, an idea or your work to a group of “connaisseurs” or “future boss” or “future clients” or so many ors. I could not rely any more on books to give me all the answers. I actually had to understand and get the main idea transmitted the right way; people were actually listening to what I had to say.

Today, I was to give a seminar on the research I’m doing for my PhD. Amongst the attendees are several experts in their field that do this for a living. They actually know what I am talking about. I had prepared my presentation since Sunday. Each time I would think about the presentation a Panic Attack will take all the will out of me. A colleague of mine would have to tell me and convince me to breathe again. Everyone was trying to help me out, to restore my confidence by saying: “Oh don’t worry you’ll be fine” or “It’s just practice its no big deal”.

It never occurred to me to check the date of the presentation. Now, I have a Valentin’s debt to pay, because I was too worried and some guy took advantage of my situation to make a bet on it. So I lost. I’m actually breathing normally again. We had a good laugh. I suppose at this time next Wednesday I’ll be doing my presentation. I have one more week to get my Panic attack worked up again.

By the way, I hate Valentine’s and now I have to take someone out… Lesson for me keep your cool at all time. Never make decisions when you are not thinking properly.

New Year Resolutions

A new Year has began with 21 days already elapsed. In México, like in Spain, we receive the new year eating 12 grapes which represent the 12 months of the year and eating them as fast as you can with every bell ring of the incoming year. Each grapes is a resolution for the new year and you end up having at least 12 different categories of them.

This year they forgot the grapes and they found them at the last minutes. They only one lefts were these very massive, oversized, can not fit on your mouth with seeds bigger than raisins. It was difficult to think of your new year resolution while trying to swallow them all. So one of the resolution was not to choke on one of them which made it quite good because when the last of the grapes was in your tummy you had already done one of your new year resolution.

This year I made only two new year resolutions -apart from not choking with one of the grapes. The first one is that I will run the Great Manchester Run. This involves running a distance of 10 k. The Second is finishing my PhD. Both imply several things : I would have to be more organized, disciplined, dedicated, concentrated, work harder and sacrifice some of m y free time. This will mean if I get to next 2009 without going all wakko, I would have become a very organized, boring with no social life at all, thin person, focused person. In other words, practically an adult… which really stinks.

Furthermore, to prepare for the incoming year I read the forecast of my life e.i. my horoscope. It seems I will be single for the whole of 2008 which comes to no surprise to me and any one who knows me. Ohhh well… Today I started my training (14 minutes continues running).